A chance to love. A chance to heal.Β 

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I have been so blessed lately. I really do feel blessed, now that I have finally gotten off of Facebook. Technically you could say I am “still on” but I never get on except to see if people have tried to contact me through my Photography/blog or jewelry pages. All three are still up and running just not as active as they were when I was “on”. I have a new fb account but I dont choose to have friends, at least not at present. I am kinda over Facebook for many reasons. But for one, it has given me a chance to love people again, and two, it has given me a chance to heal from our recent circumstances.

  

1). A chance to love again! 

Facebook as you may have already gathered brings out the very worst in a lot of people. It really does. I have seen a mean part of me, I never wanted anyone to see. It has ruined my chances for me to many people to be considered a respectable, kind and considerate kind of person. I really have been ashamed and wonder how anyone could love me or want to be my friend after seeing my bad side. Trust me, if you haven’t seen it, yet, you don’t want too. But I have seen other people’s bad sides too, because the affect Facebook can have on certain people. Especially us, who are very passionate about what we believe are true and real in this life. We tend to show all of our sides pretty regularly on FB, the place we feel at home pouring out our hearts to. But like the Bible says our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked who can know it?! So pouring out our hearts isn’t always the best thing on FB. 

  

 
Now that I am off of this form of social media, can I just tell you, how free I feel? I feel like FB had me under a sort of spell, an enchantment, if you will, and now that I’m off, I feel so much more free! Like a bird escaped from the ensnared cage. I tell my God all my sorrows, joys, hopes and irritating moments that beset me from time to time. I’m no longer talking to a wall but talking to my Father. And isn’t that better or how it should be? 

  

 
I have been given the chance to love people again, truly love them and being with them, talking to them face to face and not screen to screen. Even voice to voice, when phone call is more convenient. I can love them like we were meant too. And I’m sure Facebook can be used for good too. I have used it for good, even when people misjudged me for using it for bad. But oh well. No matter. Its over and done with. Facebook is just not for everyone. 

  
2). A chance to heal! 

After much prayer and thought and when I finally disconnected myself and hit the delete button, after time, I have finally begun to heal.

  

 
 It wasnt an easy choice, I did have withdrawals and wondered what people were up to, but lately, if I wanted to know, I simply shot an email or a text or left a message on their phone, what they are up to? 

  

 
I found friends for accountability for exercising and more joined in wanting the same. I got back on My Fitness Pal and began getting serious about taking care of my health and body. Worked out consistently for two weeks the longest and most Ive ever taken interest in at one time. This past week I got sick…. And feeling better again. Can’t wait to get back to my daily exercise regimen. 

  
So many things to keep me busy, so many things to keep my mind occupied, to keep me keeping busy, not being idle, but keeping me busy to stay focused on the true and real. I have a photoshoot today where I hope to meet new people and a painting class tonight again, where I can meet new people. Facebook as you can see isn’t the only place to meet new people. Face to face, handshake to handshake, tangible people. I am so blessed! So very blessed! So thankful! God is so good! 

   

 
My healing is so much more easier, so much easier to bear. The everyday burdens are lighter, the grief not so deep as it was before. My hope is in my Lord who made me and formed me in my mothers womb. I have no reason to be fearful of the future, its planted in the palms of His hands. 

  
When I had a Facebook I was not given a chance to heal my broken heart. I was daily bombarded with thoughts and wishes that were crushed on a day to day basis, I was constantly reminded of my little ones who were no longer in my womb, no more to be wrapped in my aching arms, no more kisses from mama and daddy. Forever in my heart, forever wet, on my cheeks. I couldn’t get on without seeing something or someone talking about babies and their mamas and daddies, announcements and boy or girl this or that, baby camo, overalls, cowboy boots and hats, John Deere tractors, guns and hunting, black bear teddy bears, diapers and burp cloths galore. Things we will never get to do with our boys, places we’ll never get to take them, things we’ll never get to see them do… So many things that I couldn’t get away from, people I couldn’t stop talking too, I didn’t want to be bitter or rude. I was so happy for them, truly, but how do you tell people you’re happy for them when you’re choking back tears that are running down your face?

  

  
How can you say you’re happy for them when in reality you wish you could die a thousand deaths just so you could have a chance to hold and kiss your baby one last time? When they have it so easy, they can pick up their baby and cuddle them whenever they wish? 

  
You cant heal properly when you’re bombarded with all of this daily. It goes too deep, too hard to bear and still try to muster up a smile for them? It was too hard for me. I’m too weak. I have too big of a heart for my boys. They were part of my whole world! 

  
Finally, now that my Facebook account ceases to exist, no longer to be looked at or saught after. Finally my aching Mama heart is healing. I don’t daily have to be  bombarded with questions from people that have to know everything that is going on. I’m not bombarded with baby stuff day in and day out. Just on occasion seeing the little ones at church. Or the occasional photo I look forward to seeing of my neices and nephews on Instagram or those I keep in contact with. I don’t want to be cut off completely just not so heavily like FB has become. Instagram you can only share so much, Facebook is like a blog of ones entire daily life. 

   

 

I haven’t healed completely, but I cry less and less. And I rarely ever hold back tears. I try not too, but sometimes you don’t want to make a scene, ya know? I try not too. But sometimes its hard. 

  

 I’m thankful God gave me the courage to delete my FB. I am so thankful I am off. I only miss my workout accountability groups. They were something I got on for, everyday. But My Fitness Pal does a good job with that. And I have friends on there that are encouraging and hope I can be that for them as well.  

  
There are many more reasons I could share with you why I am off, but these are the main reasons, I am so thankful its working. 

   
Like, Smike, in his contentment (from Dickens’ Nicholas Nickleby), “I can finally say it. I am happy!”

Thank you for reading and God bless you, 

Katie

 

 

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