A chance to love. A chance to heal. 

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I have been so blessed lately. I really do feel blessed, now that I have finally gotten off of Facebook. Technically you could say I am “still on” but I never get on except to see if people have tried to contact me through my Photography/blog or jewelry pages. All three are still up and running just not as active as they were when I was “on”. I have a new fb account but I dont choose to have friends, at least not at present. I am kinda over Facebook for many reasons. But for one, it has given me a chance to love people again, and two, it has given me a chance to heal from our recent circumstances.

  

1). A chance to love again! 

Facebook as you may have already gathered brings out the very worst in a lot of people. It really does. I have seen a mean part of me, I never wanted anyone to see. It has ruined my chances for me to many people to be considered a respectable, kind and considerate kind of person. I really have been ashamed and wonder how anyone could love me or want to be my friend after seeing my bad side. Trust me, if you haven’t seen it, yet, you don’t want too. But I have seen other people’s bad sides too, because the affect Facebook can have on certain people. Especially us, who are very passionate about what we believe are true and real in this life. We tend to show all of our sides pretty regularly on FB, the place we feel at home pouring out our hearts to. But like the Bible says our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked who can know it?! So pouring out our hearts isn’t always the best thing on FB. 

  

 
Now that I am off of this form of social media, can I just tell you, how free I feel? I feel like FB had me under a sort of spell, an enchantment, if you will, and now that I’m off, I feel so much more free! Like a bird escaped from the ensnared cage. I tell my God all my sorrows, joys, hopes and irritating moments that beset me from time to time. I’m no longer talking to a wall but talking to my Father. And isn’t that better or how it should be? 

  

 
I have been given the chance to love people again, truly love them and being with them, talking to them face to face and not screen to screen. Even voice to voice, when phone call is more convenient. I can love them like we were meant too. And I’m sure Facebook can be used for good too. I have used it for good, even when people misjudged me for using it for bad. But oh well. No matter. Its over and done with. Facebook is just not for everyone. 

  
2). A chance to heal! 

After much prayer and thought and when I finally disconnected myself and hit the delete button, after time, I have finally begun to heal.

  

 
 It wasnt an easy choice, I did have withdrawals and wondered what people were up to, but lately, if I wanted to know, I simply shot an email or a text or left a message on their phone, what they are up to? 

  

 
I found friends for accountability for exercising and more joined in wanting the same. I got back on My Fitness Pal and began getting serious about taking care of my health and body. Worked out consistently for two weeks the longest and most Ive ever taken interest in at one time. This past week I got sick…. And feeling better again. Can’t wait to get back to my daily exercise regimen. 

  
So many things to keep me busy, so many things to keep my mind occupied, to keep me keeping busy, not being idle, but keeping me busy to stay focused on the true and real. I have a photoshoot today where I hope to meet new people and a painting class tonight again, where I can meet new people. Facebook as you can see isn’t the only place to meet new people. Face to face, handshake to handshake, tangible people. I am so blessed! So very blessed! So thankful! God is so good! 

   

 
My healing is so much more easier, so much easier to bear. The everyday burdens are lighter, the grief not so deep as it was before. My hope is in my Lord who made me and formed me in my mothers womb. I have no reason to be fearful of the future, its planted in the palms of His hands. 

  
When I had a Facebook I was not given a chance to heal my broken heart. I was daily bombarded with thoughts and wishes that were crushed on a day to day basis, I was constantly reminded of my little ones who were no longer in my womb, no more to be wrapped in my aching arms, no more kisses from mama and daddy. Forever in my heart, forever wet, on my cheeks. I couldn’t get on without seeing something or someone talking about babies and their mamas and daddies, announcements and boy or girl this or that, baby camo, overalls, cowboy boots and hats, John Deere tractors, guns and hunting, black bear teddy bears, diapers and burp cloths galore. Things we will never get to do with our boys, places we’ll never get to take them, things we’ll never get to see them do… So many things that I couldn’t get away from, people I couldn’t stop talking too, I didn’t want to be bitter or rude. I was so happy for them, truly, but how do you tell people you’re happy for them when you’re choking back tears that are running down your face?

  

  
How can you say you’re happy for them when in reality you wish you could die a thousand deaths just so you could have a chance to hold and kiss your baby one last time? When they have it so easy, they can pick up their baby and cuddle them whenever they wish? 

  
You cant heal properly when you’re bombarded with all of this daily. It goes too deep, too hard to bear and still try to muster up a smile for them? It was too hard for me. I’m too weak. I have too big of a heart for my boys. They were part of my whole world! 

  
Finally, now that my Facebook account ceases to exist, no longer to be looked at or saught after. Finally my aching Mama heart is healing. I don’t daily have to be  bombarded with questions from people that have to know everything that is going on. I’m not bombarded with baby stuff day in and day out. Just on occasion seeing the little ones at church. Or the occasional photo I look forward to seeing of my neices and nephews on Instagram or those I keep in contact with. I don’t want to be cut off completely just not so heavily like FB has become. Instagram you can only share so much, Facebook is like a blog of ones entire daily life. 

   

 

I haven’t healed completely, but I cry less and less. And I rarely ever hold back tears. I try not too, but sometimes you don’t want to make a scene, ya know? I try not too. But sometimes its hard. 

  

 I’m thankful God gave me the courage to delete my FB. I am so thankful I am off. I only miss my workout accountability groups. They were something I got on for, everyday. But My Fitness Pal does a good job with that. And I have friends on there that are encouraging and hope I can be that for them as well.  

  
There are many more reasons I could share with you why I am off, but these are the main reasons, I am so thankful its working. 

   
Like, Smike, in his contentment (from Dickens’ Nicholas Nickleby), “I can finally say it. I am happy!”

Thank you for reading and God bless you, 

Katie

 

 

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October Goals

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I can’t believe October is finally upon us!! It seems like yesterday September was here and our familes, Spencer and I were gathered around celebrating seven or eight birthdays at Hubby’s grandparents house. Including our precious first born, John Spencer. 😀

I am actually excited about this month. I have a few goals I would like to share with you! 

1. I am excited to finally buckle down hard on my weight loss journey. Its been a constant battle for 2 years! But I am sick of myself and tired of my clothes not fitting and so, no more excuses. Just so it actually happens I will “report” my progress each week on Friday or Saturday of this month, to tell you how I did, food and exercise wise.  What recipes that stood out to me, and which ones I enjoyed better, etc. I am hoping to cook my way through the Trim Healthy Mama lifestyle, from now on. I am using Pinterest until I can get the book (maybe for Christmas)! But Pinterest has a ton of the recipes thanks to bloggers for sharing their favorites! 😃

2. Find more reasons to be Thankful! I have always struggled with this and I need to work on it, and stop whinning and complaining about how hard life is. I want to have a happier lifestyle, one my hubby can enjoy being around. There is something so unnerving about a complaining spirit, and something so Beautiful about a thankful, one. 🌺 

3. Pray for my husband, more. I do pray for him, but not like I used too, when we first got married. I really want to pray hard for him, and pray hard for me, that I would be better wife to him. I know I need to work on this so much! So these are big desires of my heart. 🙏🏼

4. Spend more time talking to God in general. Before I got married, I used to talk to God like a best friend, I would say, “Thank you, Lord!” Everytime something great happened or prayed loudly often. People often looked at me strangly, but I desire to be like that again. To stop being stagnet and draw closer to my Father. He can help me.

5. Start writing my cookbook. Yeah, this has been a goal/dream of mine for a long time, ever since I started cooking on a serious level. When I worked at a resturant called Curry’s or Johntson Street Cafe’, reading their “secret” recipes, I wanted to come up with my very own set of recipes, which later turned into a desire to write a cookbook. But it won’t just be cooking, it will also be other things as well. Mostly cooking though. And some survival tips. 😀 with a name like the Homestead artist, gotta have a lil bit of everything…will it be published? Ha! We will see what the bank account says. 😉 (which is one reason my children’s book never got published…too much $$$ Maybe some day, though)! 

6. Along with doing THM, this month I won’t be allowed any sugar. You know, the no in-between bit in one of my lasts posts, that applies for this kinda situation as well. I am either gonna allow myself sweets or not. What I mean is, if I do, all that hard work will go down the drain, so its either sweets or no sweets, its either start the lifestyle or don’t. I can’t eat just one piece of dark chocolate, I will eat the whole thing. So no sugar this month! Next month may be different, I may allow myself a lil here and there if I do a good job this month. 💪🏻✊🏻

I think those are simple enough goals! I hope I succede!

Do you have any big or small goals you want to achieve this month? What are they? Would love to hear about them! 😀 

Thanks for reading,

Katie

Finding Joy (Part 2 of John Spencer’s birth story).

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October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. John Spencer, this is your voice, my awareness and tribute to you, my sweet precious boy! “Mama, loves you!”

As we were headed to the hospital that Sunday afternoon, the contractions were coming now so very close together, it was hard to breathe correctly ’cause honestly neither of us had been through anything like this, so neither had anything to compare it to. Spencer however as he gripped the steering wheel going 90mph and possibly pushing 100, looked at me from time to time calming me with his soothing voice. 
I got a phone call shortly after (I had called my mother as we had left the house after my midwife told me to hurry up to the hospital, so we both called our mothers). My sister in law Kelly, called me as we were driving or speeding to the hospital. I had asked her, since my sister is so young, I never had a sister who had been through a birth and since I consider her one of my best friends and a close sister I knew I could count on her being there to root for me and help me get through my birth, since I was scared to death! 

She called and asked me if I wanted her to come, of course, I did, but didnt want her to feel pressured. She came along with my mom! I cannot tell you how much the presence of family during such a difficult time can truly be on a couple who are not only clueless but hurting so deeply like nothing you could ever imagine, or maybe you could if you thought about it long and hard. Just your pressence can make such a huge impact on someones life, you could not know how much! 

We finally got to the woman’s center (hospital) and as I sat in one of the wheelchairs, I could feel something poking through, (my babies head perhaps? Was I seriously that dialated?) so I had to sit sideways cause he literally felt as though he were coming, now!

What seemed like an eternity, signing papers and forms, and what have you, and then waiting for like ever in the waiting room, Spencer tried everyway to calm me down, as I was hurting and quietly (screaming) through each contraction. The intensity level was huge, I thank God for those keegal muscles for thats the only way I can figure I was able to keep him in for that long. 

Finally they had my room ready and so the sweet nurse residing over me told me to put my gown on in the bathroom, each step to the bathroom was painful. And feeling like I needed to “poop” I thought this would be the only time I would be able to go, but what I didnt realize is that feeling was coming from down there not where I thought it was! 

To spare you some of the graphicness, (cause that’s not what I want to focus on), I thought I better move ahead. Most of it is pretty traumatic and I definitely don’t want you focused just on that, his birth was sad and traumatic but it was still beautiful even in the midst of such sorrow and heart break. 

The nurses were able to get me to the bed and I lay there looking up at my husband, big tears were rolling down this mans face, this man who rarely cries, he held my hand and as he was about to crumble, my mother slipped a loving hand around him and my sister in law as well. Kelly grabbed my hand and squeezed it and hugged my neck and prayed for me right there, how can one keep tears back when one prays sweetly such as this in such a hard and powerful time? There was not a dry eye in that room, even amongst the nurses. All I could feel as I lay flat on my back was the warm/hot flow of blood, the contractions wouldn’t stop, finally I asked through simple quiet cries, “May I push?!” No answer. I asked again, thinking, no one heard me, “May I please push, now?” Finally one of the nurses peeped her head over my mothers shoulder and said, “Go ahead, sweetie.” 

Maybe one, maybe two pushes and he was out. Maybe the nurses thought, the push or pushes would take longer? No one was there to catch my precious baby, which was why I asked in the first place. I wanted them to stop what they were doing, one nurse frantically trying to get my IV stuck in, one trying to find the babies heart beat, if there was one, another frantically moving about in and out of the room. Was there no one to catch my baby? I know he is not alive at this point but was it necessary to let him crumple to the resistance of the bed as if he was no better than a fish flopping on the bottom of a boat? I guess no one realized how fast he would come out? I dont know, I do know one thing, even though there was no one willing or ready to catch my baby, Jesus did, he caught my baby’s soul, and what a wonderful thought! That thought brings tears of rejoicing to my eyes! As he came out all I could say at that point was, “Not my will, but Thine, Oh Lord!”

How could one rejoice over somthing so traumatic, you may ask? How could one find joy in the heart wrenching reality of losing your only son, to death? My Father in Heaven heals the broken hearted, he takes them up like a parent to a child, He draws them close, and comforts them. But as I look back, in the smallest of glimpses, I see what it feels like to lose your only son to death! “Thank you, Father, for that small glimpse! What it must have been like when Your Son died for those He came to save, on the cross!” What a wonderful thought! 

As soon as he was born, the rest of the time the nurses and my Doctor finally showed up about this time, the placenta was being stubborn and wouldn’t come out.

They tried pulling on the embelical cord, they even gave me some medication to help me contract so I could push it out. Just as they were about wheel me in for a D&C, I started to feel the contractions kicking in. Once again, I asked several times if I could push, finally someone said, go ahead! One push and that hot jello-like substance came out. 

As if in a dreamy fog, my mind continued to go over what just happened. Here’s a few of my thoughts that I wrote down in my journal.

“Lord, I am so sorry! I did not love you enough! I played opposite roles of Abraham, instead of willing to give up my only son, I wanted him more than my own breath! I am sorry that I didn’t love you like I should have, I’m sorry if I showed too much love towards my baby and not enough to you!” 

I opened my eyes to find my mother and father in law, my dad and mom sitting in the room, still not a dry eye in the room, I looked about frantically for my man, he was sitting patiently waiting for me to awaken, beside me. As if I had a need to worry, My heart sank and my words flowed heavily, “Where’s my baby?!” Spencer, looked rather shocked, he patted my shoulder and said, “He’s right here, babe. He hasn’t left your side.” The tears finally came again, as I started humming the only hymn that came to mind. “Safe in the Arms of Jesus”.

Apparently I had talked a bunch out of my head after the placenta finally came out. 

Spencer later told me some of the funny things I had said, (I think it was a relief to everyone who had been there to hear my quirky side coming out as my body was wearing off the crazy side affects of the medication I had previously been administered a few hours before. 

The Nurse-“Would you like something to drink?”

Me-“I want a coke’a’cola? (In the strongest southern accent you can muster!)

Nurse as she pours a Pepsi in a cup and hands it to me-“Would a Pepsi be ok?” 

Me,As if I was a cranky old lady-“No! Pepsi is NASTY!!” Lol!!! 

Which everyone literally laughed out loud! 😆😄

There are many quotes that I could come up with regarding the sun coming up in the morning after such storms, but I won’t not now, maybe in another post, the strom blew over just a might and even though our night was a rough one there in the hospital, through many tears we managed to sleep some. 

Morning came and something strange happened, we both were able to smile, we were able to rejoice and be happy. It was like a major peace swept over us. I had to pinch myself, was I alright? Truly? Or was this just left over side affects from the meds the night before?

We named our baby and signed some paper work. We got a few sweet things from the hospital to take home, NILMDTS (Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, Photography group) had come and taken pictures of our son, foot and hand prints among other things. 

We had a few precious moments left to spend hugging and loving on our son before we permently said out heart wrenching goodbyes. 

How can one love someone so much you never even met? Is it even possible? 

No matter what people may tell me, I have a hope and belief that I will see my baby again! Thats the only way I can rejoice, be happy and glad!

Spencer and I walked down the hallway of the woman and children center, I never noticed before the beautiful yet heart wrenching photos that covered the walls of that entire hallway. That first and only moment I questioned God, “Why Lord? We already went through so much heart ache, why must we end it by seeing these beauitful photos of parents and their healthy babies, when ours lay limp in a cooled incabator?” 

I had to stop my mean thoughts toward my loving God. And I apologized under my breath and that peace came again like a wave of hope and love! 

The only verse that comes to mind is Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.”

I am so blessed, truly. God gave me two precious boys, who are both waiting patiently for me and their Daddy. God is so good! Truly, and as crazy as it may sound, even though its not been easy and still is not, thanks to this trial I am closer to my God than I ever thought possible. He is so very good and always shall be! 

I can finally smile and say, I am happy! 💗 Thank you, Jesus!

  
In Him, 

Katie

My Favorite Things…

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Hello lovely people! I am feeling extra happy this week! I got to meet two little boys this week that were born recently, one, my nephew, (which I hope to photograph next week sometime, yes I will be sure to post some of the best photos on here) and yesterday I got to meet my maid of honor’s (in my wedding) her baby boy! He is sooooo cute! He slept most of the time I was there but my! He opened those big dark eyes and looked right at me and smiled!! SO cute! That truly made my day! Makes me look forward to having several of my own! Living, breathing babies I can take home and take care of. I long for that day and pray for it daily! 
Ok, so this blog post is the better half of me, my favorite things about me and things that I love, alsoodd facts known by few about me. So have fun, and watch out, this post may get pretty long, but when are they not? Lol! Yeah, Ive never been known to be short winded! But don’t worry, I will only share a few. 

Here we go! 

1. My Saviour: I love Him so much, but I must admit, I am not always faithful in loving Him enough. I often feel I disappoint Him, but it amazes me that He loves me still! Truly! He is amazing! I am thankful He’s mine and I am His, forever! 

2. My Husband: I am amazed nearly everyday I wake up and find him sleeping beside me. He makes me laugh like no one else can, he’s my best friend, my companion, my confidant, my partner in crime, my snuggle bug, my movie watching companion, {He literally will watch anything I ask him to, in which sometime he replies when its over, “Hand me an ice pick, darlin’, I need to gauge out my eyes!!” Laugh Out Loud!!!} seriously he makes me laugh til I snort, and I do an awful lot! He is so strong, even when he feels weak and wants to crumble, he is an amazing father to our heaven kissed boys! If only you could have seen him when I gave birth to those precious boys, I am still shocked whenever I think about it! He is still in love with me and looks at me as though I was still a size 8 in jeans, {I’m still shocked I could even wear that size let alone thought I was fat!! I am super tall, and I was not fat!}. He loves me… He does! Me? Why? I have no clue? He is patient and a little demanding, but there is not a weak bone, or wimpy spirit in his body, he’s muscular and hot, and all mine! 😆 

3. My Babies: Yes, they are in Heaven, but I still love them and love to talk about them and think about them and cry… Yes, I do cry an awful lot when I think about them when I am by myself. But I get to pour out my pain to my Heavenly Father and He really does heal the broken hearted but like anything broken or wounded it takes time, its not something that can be healed over night. Like everything, it takes time. 

4. My Family: When I say family, I mean everyone I am close too, blood or non-blood, friends and relations I see on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. Cause technically those who are in Christ are family! We are all {those in the fold} a part of our Heavenly Father’s adopted family! There is no shame in it! I am thankful for each one! 

5. The ability to move! When I say move, I mean get up and move it, move it! Fitness, exercise, walking, Cardio, workout dvd’s, running, jogging. I will admit I don’t always enjoy working up a long sweat but afterwards I’m thankful I made the effort to do it. 

6. As much as I say I dislike some animals I really like most if not all, but several of them kinda made me dislike them because of things they would do to me growing up as a kid, kinda scarred me and I dont just mean that figureatively. My hubby is allergic to animal fur, so we will never have cats, and rarely have dogs. But I love, ironically, taking pictures of animals.

7. I love bread! “It is my ONE weakness!” I just discovered Ezekial bread with coconut oil instead of butter, … Um … YUM!!! 

8. I LOVE MOVIES: Need I say more? 

I do have a preference on style, but it merely has to do with the mood I’m in. 

9. I’ve memorized nearly every episode of TAGS! {The Andy Griffith Show}:

I love trivia, be it movies or tv shows, mostly re-runs tho. I think the only shows I watched growing up that were actually in my generation were, Road to Avonlea, Christy, Adventures of Lassie… There may have been a few others we tried but didn’t like. But there is nothing like my mothers generation of shows and movies! Mainly because of their sensoring system. This new generation of films is really quite shocking how much language and sexual reference/scenes and crude humor is out there. It really is sad. No wonder our society is so messed up?!

There is nothing, and never will be anything like the classic shows, here are just a few of my favorites:

The Andy Griffith Show (we covered this) The Donna Reed Show( i LOVE THIS SHOW!!) I love Lucy, The Brady Bunch, The Beverly Hillbillies, Peticoat Junction, Green Acers, The Twilight Zone, The Alfred Hitchcck Presents, the Alfred  Hitchcock Hour, Leave it to Beaver, Little House on the Prarie, Bonanza, The Riffleman, Daniel Boone (just dicovered that one), etc… (I am sure there is more but I cant think of them). 

Also just discovered these recently you may want to try: 

Lark Rise to Candleford, Into the West, Cranford…

10. Odd Facts Known By Few: One reason you shouldn’t always take ne seriously is cause I am usually using someones line from a movie or tv show. Cause I am rarely original, I reckon I am odd like that. 

11. I love black bears, antlers, fur, hunting, shooting guns, kayaking, swimming, sunflowers, camping and the great outdoors! Especially places with no internet connection, you live on your wits, could you even survive? I did thanks to good friends for five days behind the Grand Tetons! 

12. I lived in Jackson Hole, Wyoming for a year, and have missed it every day, since!

13. I would rather be stranded in the mtns then on a beach. (More meat and drinking water and trees!). 

14. I love Camo anything. I am one of those tacky people that would buy a camo recliner for her hubby if he wanted one. If he didn’t then I would get one for me. Lol! I love dark browns, greens, reds and yellows, earthy tones for colors in my house hold. I don’t go for all the fads in household decor. I like the earthy, mossy garden look in my den. I guess that’s why I like the log cabin look so much! You dont have to paint the walls, its all natural in the wood. You bring out the color in accents. 

15. I live in a 14×50′ house trailer, “Itty bitty living space!” I have a love-hate relationship with this trailer. I hate that its so small cause I love our yard and the rolling hills in the front and the woods in the back. But the trailer is about to drive me insane. There is not enough room for everything, us, let alone any future children. 

16. I love Mason Jars, Especially the huge 2 quart jars. I drink my gallon a day of water from them. I fill it up four or five times a day to reach my limit. I love the green tinted ones. Thats my favorite color. 🍂

17. I miss my grandparents. My Pawpaw passed away a day before the original date of our wedding. Like I said awhile back, when it rains it pours! But he and my grandmother are in a better place, but oh how I miss and love to talk about them! The memories are precious! 

18. I love big earrings. That is all.

19. I love Kelidescoops (local ice cream store) Chocolate, Chocolate Kelida-chiller!!! Yum!!

20. Caramel Apples and Apple Farms, Apple Butter…yeah…nothing like it this time of year!

21. I’m an artist. As if you didnt know. 

22. I’m also a local photographer, in the Decatur/Huntsville/Rocket City, Alabama area.

23. I’ve eaten Calimari, Elk, Quail, Squirrel, scorpian, ants, crickets, Moose, Antelope, Aligator, Shark, Venison, Kangaroo, Rabbit and a bunch of other stuff…and it shows…But thats another story for another day.

24. I never got out of the awkward stage, or the clumsy stage.

25. I like chapstick over lipstick.

26. Sketcher’s Bob’s over Toms. For that price they could afford to give five pairs of shoes to someone in need. But, hey, what do I know? 

27. Local or made from home Coffee over Starbucks. Its, different if its a need, coffee can easilly be made from home. My mind and heart can’t give to a company that gives money to help keep the doors open of every clinic that purposely destroys the precious lives of sweet babies in their mommies wombs. There is a better way to make good coffee, I worked in a coffee shop for three years, come to my house, I will make you some for free just so you boycot Starbucks. But what do I know about it, I just know the heart breaking reality of loosing two babies to death, and how its something you can’t easily  get over no matter how they died. 

28. I love to crotchet. Not very good at it but I love it. 

29. I am an Essential oils, herb loving, natural using, clean eating, kinda gal.

30. I love vintage anything. 

31. I am currently enthralled in the Hunger Games series, once again and cant wait for the Part 2 to come to theaters. 

32. I love leaves and the many colors they change into.

33. I love kids. Truly. Which is why I cant give to businesses that I know who are helping mothers destroy their precious babies lives. Think about it, does your body really need that Frappicino? Ok I’m done.

34. I love giving gifts. To anyone.

..35 Kinsington Avenue and he lives at 5133! Did I mention my brain never stops? 

36. Lundry is my worst subject in the school of housework.

37. I love to cook and bake, but I never follow recipes very well. They are just guidelines anyway. 

38. I love books but I don’t read much. I cant stand the ending of stories. 

39. My Cameras. Canon Power shot, Canon Rebel XT and my current favorite, Canon Rebel T3i.

40. I love to sing. I used to dream of singing in a band. Like an Irish or blue grass band. I like singing both genres. 

42. We have lived here nearly three years with no internet. Thats gotta be some kind of reccord. 

43. I don’t wear purfume. I like my oils too much. 

44. I can quote the Princess Bride nearly by heart. The Emporers New Groove as well. 

45. Fall and Spring are my favorite seasons. 

46. We had a Dos Computer, and a printer with the little holes on the side that you had to pull off. 

47. I remember when CD’s and DVD’s first came out. I said, they would never work. Lol!

48. I remember when Ditgital Cameras first came out. Again I thought, no way!

49. I was planning to wear my mothers’ 70’s style wedding gown when I was younger. When I got married with, my shoes,  I was nearly a foot taller. No way. 

50. I shared my very first kiss at the alter with my husband. 

And thats a wrap, for now. My next post will be John Spencer’s birth story, part two. 

Thanks for reading, 

Katie

There is no in-between. {watch out this could get long}

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Thank you my lovely fans for the great responses to my deactivating Facebook, post. As I was reading a couple other peoples blogs it hit me that a lot of my fans don’t really know anything about me. At least not well enough. I mean I have a few Facebook friends that read my blog from time to time, I guess, honestly I don’t really keep up with who reads my blog everyday. Other than those who faithfully comment or like it, and for that I am so very thankful! 😃 but most of you don’t know much about me as a person, for all you know I could be some crazy person escaped from… Well… Anywhere… Running loose posing as a sweet young lady, but truthfully, I’m nuts..I am nuts about…my husband, and many other great things, but like always, I’m getting ahead of myself, lets start with my distasteful side, or cooky side, shall we?

Pet Peeves: Cause, let’s face it, who doesn’t have a few? {No particular order.}

1. I am thankful God made me Dyslexic. But my pet peeve is God also made me with ADD/ADHD or most people think that means “day dreaming”. I kinda have to laugh when people say that, because, man, if you only knew! The struggle is real. And I mean really REAL!  
Let me explain myself. I read a blog post recently through Facebook, actually that I really wish I had saved. It explained everything about me to a tea, it almost freaked me out how accurate it really was. I never was diagnosed with this issue but always wondered about it, that article confirmed my suspicians. 

Here’s a good example of this day dreaming mindset. You must remember first and foremost, there is no in between. Its either hot outside or freezing cold, I either like you, or I don’t. I either love something or I hate or detest it. There is no in between. None. 

My brain never turns off…even when in shock….never..turns…off. Never. 

When I am talking to you, besides listening to you {cause you know I am capable of mutitasking, I may zone in and out for a few seconds here and there, because I am thinking of other things}, like the way your hair looks, or the….what in the world? how longs that been there {the food stuck in your teeth}? Or that strand of hair in your face is driving me nuts, can I push it out of the way for you? What did you say, chocolate, where? I enjoyed some coffee yesterday that reminded me of chocolate, it was creamy and frothy and made me feel warm and snuggly inside. Like a rainy day… Snuggling up to a good movie. Oh, I love those kinds of days, you said something about taking care of your horse? I love horses, but like every animal on the planet, they dont like me, which is so strange, cause I like them, I am just glad people are not like animals, or I would have no friends, which would be tragic….dont even get me started on tragedies, I will make you cry! 

You get the idea, like I said, my brain, never.turns.off! And people wonder why I am easily exhausted. Huh! Honestly, people without this kind of brain, don’t understand the meaning of the word exhausting. 

But anyway, moving on…

2. Pet Peeve: Road rage. I have it bad. Maybe because I know the drivers manual by heart. I mean, really, I mean after all, all of it was written by a genius, or simply someone who was aquainted with common sense. It’s really not that hard, like picking up a fork and eating with it. I’m not saying I am the queen of all drivers, I make mistakes everytime I get in my car. 
The blinker system is the worst. It is a fatal pet peeve! People!!! Use your blinker, that thing saves lives every single day. If people stopped using their blinkers, like everyone? You better bet natural selection takes over. Blinkers are so important. The moments I forget, how many moments God spared me from head on collisions, being T-boned, or side-whacked. Guardian Angels at serious work here. Stop being silly, use your blinker! 

Tail-gating!!!! Ahhhhh!!! 

This is one that I absolutely hate. Mainly because it is so stupid and just plain foolish. For one, if the person in front of you, has to hit on their breaks too fast, you are then the person responsible for the accident. Are you seriously in THAT much of a hurry? Seriously? Don’t blame other drivers for going the speed limit when you’re late for your important meeting, or what have you, simply leave earlier. 

Though some people do it because they dont understand plain and simple logic. But thats another story for another day. 

3. Pet Peeve: Guys with long fingernails. Yeah this is a stupid one, but ever since I was really young, I never understood why some guys grew their nails out. It really makes me cringe. I guess cause manly men don’t grow them out and they{manly men} always attracted me. But thats just me, don’t take it personally.

4. Pet Peeve: I hate that I am bad about finishing things, be it reading books, blogging about stuff, stories I’ve written, books that need to be published, housework that needs to be done {yes, I am like the thousands of women out there that stink at house work, probably because its never done, finished that is}. You know the saying, “a womans work is never done.” Yep, I can relate. That’s my life, not much gets finished. Unless I’m getting paid for it. 

5. Pet Peeve: Did I mention, I love sleep?  

Pretty much ever since I got Mono back in 2013, sleep has been screaming my name every single day. I hate that I love my sleep so much, because I end up wasting a whole day sleeping. I mean, when I had mono, I did sleep, for 2 1/2 months! I wanted to have the strength to stand at my brothers wedding. God allowed me to do that. Which I was thrilled. But sleep, has become a close friend ever since. Really I have loved it since I was a baby. My mother said I was the best baby and kid. Every time it was bedtime, I didn’t raise a rucus like my older brother, bedtime was my favorite time of the day. 

Still is. 

6.Pet Peeve: Along with being ADD/ADHD I hate that there is no in  between. I’m either freezing cold {which is probably the majority of the time} or sweating hot! I can sweat so easily, like just a minute go, I was sweating from walking up and down our driveway; walking!? I mean I ran a lil ways, but not far enough to sweat as much as I did. I was bit shocked. Oh well. Now I’m freezing. 😣😐

7.Pet Peeve: I’m extremely self conscious about my weight. I wish more than anything, I didn’t care so much. But that’s my trouble, I either care, or I don’t, there is no in-between. But partly I am thankful I care, cause franly, I would be much bigger than I am if I didn’t care. Trust me, I would be. 

8:Pet Peeve: I hate that I have so many pet peeves. 

9.Pet Peeve: I’m the world’s worst speller and the world’s worst student in grammar. Trust me, I am. 

10.Pet Peeve: Clutter. It’s distasteful. My house is full of it most days. Drives me nuts. But do I do anything about it? Not right away, I have to think about it first, which will most likely result in a conversation with myself which will most likely take an hour or more which may be won over by Mr. Sandman. And when the sleepies go away and my mind is fully functional to the thought of it all, it will get done, even if it takes me all night. When I’m in focus mode, it will get done. Unless you interupt or hinder that mode in some way… No can do, “You threw off my groove!!” 

11.Pet Peeve: Food that tastes awful. Food is a big part of my life, I went to school to learn how to cook, like a chef. Food that tastes like garbage is seriously heart wrenching to me. Ok maybe I’m being a lil overly dramatic. But seriously, healthy food doesn’t have to taste like garbage. Nuff said. 

12.Pet Peeve: People that spell my name wrong. Everyday of my life. People, if you don’t know just ask. Even my SSN card had it wrongly spelled, I mean c’mon, they have to see your birth certificate to be able to get one. Silly crazy people. Katie is a nickname for KathARine. Not ERine. A-R…you know, like my favorie gun. Or was that an AK-47? Whatever. 

13.Pet Peeve: People that don’t dicipline their children. Or worse, let them play video games all day. Whatever happened to playing outside all day long in the summer? We had video games too. But my mother only allowed us to play 30min each day and 2 30min tv shows. No more. Sometimes for school we would get to watch a movie at lunch time but very rarely. 
Diciplining kids… Don’t even get me started. 

14.Pet Peeve: People that dont like coffee or hot teas. If you don’t, then I’m sorry we cant be friends. 

15.Pet Peeve: People that take me too seriously. Very rarely am I not being sarcastic. So just be aware. 

16.Pet Peeve: I am partially deaf. My left ear I am completely deaf in that ear. Its become a major struggle. Especially now that I am older. It drives me nuts when I cant hear people talk. I’m slowly learning to read lips but in loud background noisy situations it breaks my heart I cant hear people talk, and if I try to explain to them my issue they think, I’m not serious. But when they realize its true, they look at me like I have two heads. 😐

 17.Pet Peeve: I dislike cats and most dogs very much. Probably because we had so many growing up. Now, give me a pig or a sheep, it will be my best friend! Or chickens, I would love to have chickens! But cats are evil and most dogs are stupid. But if I had to choose I would choose a dog over a cat anyday of the week. And someday, whenever we have kids, we will have a dog or two. But no cats, and no animals in the house. I do like dogs, even though I say I dont. So dont take me too seriously. 

18.Pet Peeve: People that let their animals come in the house. Both of our parents do this, we don’t understand this, the house gets dirty enough. Why? Oh well. Maybe if I had an actual house and not a tiny lil trailer I might could understand. 

19.Pet Peeve: Writing my blog posts from my phone. If you only knew how slow and tideous this kind of work was. And proof reading, adding pictures, correcting spelling errors, excessively slow typing or bad connections, its frustrating and exhausting. But its now my only way to get it done. 

20.Pet Peeve: Tiny living spaces and small kitchens. Or living in a tiny trailer. I love where we live but wish our trailer was more liveable. Having two people in the house is tollerable, more than three makes me almost closterphobic. Its just too small for entertaining. But maybe someday that will all change. 

21.Pet Peeve: I wish that I was more grateful than I am. Something I’ve been working on. 
Well, I better quit while I’m still ahead. My more positive side will come out either tomorrow or sometime this weekend. We will see. 

Do you have many pet peeves? Would love to hear from you! 
Have a great day, y’all! 

Katie

5 Reasons I deactivated my Facebook account 

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Hi my fellow fans! I’m sorry its been awhile since I’ve written. I have been super busy doing my annual “spring cleaning” but at the beginning of fall {Autumn}. 

  

I try do a thorough job every six months, simply because it takes awhile usually a couple weeks to throw away stuff we dont use or we bought for whatever reason, we still are unsure of? Lol! So I apologize on my lack of writing. 

This week, hubby is starting new work hours and will have to work Saturdays, so our planned wedding anniversary trip to the mountains looks like it wont happen. Sadly. I was looking forward to it, but we may go hunting together down in south Alabama instead, which if I get a deer this year, will be extra-ordinary! It’s kinda on my bucket list to get one! I almost got an 8 point last year but his rear was in my scope view, so that wouldn’t have made a very clean cut, but at least I could have said I got one! 😊 I’m hoping this year to actually get one, and save the antlers for a project. 
But anyway, enough about hunting. Many of  my friends asked me why I chose to deactivate my Facebook account. There are several reasons why, but I will just share five. 

  
1. It’s become an obsession or an idol.

When I get involved in stuff, if I don’t watch it enough it later becomes an obsession for me. This can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing, depending on its purpose. 

If it has to do with your health, obviously its a good thing to be obsessed with wanting to stay healthy, after all our bodies are God’s temples, we should strive to take care of them. But having a Facebook is not always healthy. Especially if it hinders you from spending time with the one who created you. 

The Lord tells us to tear such things from our view, these idols that take over our lives. Like my first Instagram picture on my Instagram account, the very first one I ever posted said something like, “if it takes you away from God, then it needs to go.” That is so true. Anything that takes you away from your duties as a Christian, then it needs to go. And Facebook has become a hinderance from things that are true and real. Things that are simply important. 

  
2. I’ve become lazy.

Ever since the loss of our second son, Isaac, I have noticed I’ve become lazy in most areas where I should be growing. 

Along with growth in grace and daily devotions, I have been shirking my duties of being a “keeper of the home”. I have grown lazy in keeping up my house. Women of old, regardless of times of the day, their husbands would bring visitors over for supper or what have you and since they were keepers of the home, their houses were in entertaining mode, always. 

I remember a quote I read by Elisabeth Elliot once, that said, “Always leave your home, as if it were your last time to see it.” That is so convicting. Never leave your home looking like a pigsty, it maybe the last time you see it. You dont want your neighbors coming in after you’re gone seeing the state its in, how embarrassing that would be! What would they think of you then? These are things I have been neglecting as a wife, Facebook isnt helping me grow, but hindering me. 

  
3. Seasons of Life are changing for everyone. 

One of my best friends awhile back told me before either of us were married, she said, “Katie, my grandmother told me, there will come a day when it seems engagements and weddings are the fashion. Then everyone will be getting pregnant. Then, busy homeschooling or raising their kids. Then, the day will come the kids are grown and hobbies and traveling will be the trend and then, you’ll hear of your friends dying… Thats the hardest of all.” Not to be morbid or grim, but she has such a good point. Dont waste time dreaming of what could be, do what only needs to be done now. Take time to enjoy life and its wonderful pleasures. Whatever season of life you are in, just know the God who sees and knows all things, has a great plan for you! Just wait! You’ll see. 

I used to use Facebook as a means to keep up with everyone in my life. But since the death of our boys, its starting to get harder for me to look on Facebook when countless others are sharing the joys of the plus signs on their pregnancy tests. I am more than happy for each one of them, every child is a blessing and should be celebrated, but when you’ve lost two in childbirth it really gets hard to stay focused on the positive. It’s hard to keep your hurting heart and thoughts bottled up inside, without spilling them out for all the world to see. Especially, when the whole world is rejoicing over that plus sign. I am aquainted with that thrill, too, followed by twice in sorrow. So its hard to stay focused on things that are true and real. Simply, good. 

Facebook served its purpose in bringing hubby and I together, its time to move on because the crying fests after every posts that I read, its only going to get harder. 

I need more time to heal. And hubby does, too.

  
4. Lost communication…

People {including myself} rely far too much on fb for communication purposes. I am a guilty resident of this known factor. There was a day and age when people wrote letters to communicate, then there was phone calls… Now its the FB age. 
Maybe I’m just old school but I still enjoy talking on the phone. I love hearing peoples voices. I don’t understand why this is becoming a dead trend with many of my own friends. Its so sad, everything has to be in text. I do like the Facetime feature thats now on my phone. I have never actually done it but I would love to someday!  
Meeting with people is almost impossible now a days. Everyone is so busy. But I reckon, thats everyones life these days. But then again, I wonder if people unplugged more, how busy would they actually be? Hmmm? Might be a good challenge for us all. 

   
5. I miss my blog. 

I have been having major blogging withdrawals. I miss it. And if I have too, then my phone will become my avenue, my source. From which all juices flow. Normally, I write from my computer but in order to get this post up, {in which I posted too soon, one other reason I hate doing it from my phone}, I used my phone, because I didn’t think i could let another day go by without posting. I’m loosing sleep over it, but like a dear friend used to say, you can sleep when you’re dead. 😜 

I miss my encouraging fans, and hearing from you all! 

I believe that about wraps it up! 

From my phone to yours!

Goodnight! 
Katie

{P.S. I may get back on Facebook someday, never say never, but for now, I’m actually enjoying my freedom and getting so much done!} ❤️

A Fluffy Chocolate Cloud (Quick Chocolate Buttercream Frosting)

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This is seriously a no brainer.  Anyone that can turn on a mixer or use a hand mixer can do this!  And the results are pretty well amazing! 🙂

To be used with your favorite cake, or The SUPER Moist Chocolaty, Chocolate cake, I posted yesterday! So here ya go, and you’re welcome! 🙂

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Note: Don’t do what I do, read all the way down to the bottom of the directions, I usually challenge myself, and skip the direction part…don’t do that… read all the way down. 😉

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Ingredients:

3-5 cups of Confectioner’s sugar

1 1/2 sticks of butter, soft (not quite melted) or room temp.

3/4-1 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder (depends on how chocolaty you want it)

a little milk, if needed (but just a little)

1 TBSP of Vanilla Extract

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Mix all the wet ingredients first until creamy and then add the dry ingredients (Except the confectioner’s sugar) to meet your consistency needs. I like to think, light fluffy clouds… yum! Chocolate clouds to be exact! Add the milk, if you need it, otherwise, leave it out.

If for some reason my recipe is inaccurate, add more or use less of the ingredients above. Recipes are just guidelines, expand your horizon’s a little. Have fun with it. Cook like a tv pro.

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Chow,

Katie