I Shan’t Not Speak

These past months have been so brutal with the covid-19 stuff going on. It’s been downright lonely. As if loneliness didn’t already come to me naturally being a somewhat introvert with a dash of extrovertness. But this post isn’t about a political agenda or who’s right or wrong on this issue. I just wish it was all over and we could get back to life with people again. I miss my church family more than anything and just worshiping God freely without people telling us what we can and cannot do in regards to cooperate worship. To those who think it not essential, it is VERY essential to the believer. I don’t live in fear of the future because my future is a beautiful one. I have hope, when I leave this life I will go on to the next and the next one is way better than this one. I’ll be with, Jesus, and no more sin! and I’ll see my children and all my loved ones. Even the ones I never got to know. So really, when you have this kind of hope for the future. Living in fear is pointless. I’m not saying, I need to be stupid and do stupid things like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute. But being smart, washing my hands with soap and water, avoiding getting up in peoples faces, wearing gloves at work when working with food (which I always do), etc. But going out into the world, it’s gonna happen. So why not now?

I understand it’s different for everyone. Those who choose to stay home, there is no judgement here. And it’s different for people who have young children, I understand that’s a whole different kind of fear in of itself. I’ve lived through that fear and seen it on the hard side, three times. But if you are in Christ, your life belongs to God. We don’t need to fear, because our days are numbered. Their days are numbered as well.

As I scrolled through my memory feed this evening, so many posts from today back in 2015 when we were in the hospital with our little, Isaac. Those were some very hard days, when I went into labor early. I was 20 weeks and 5 days and stayed an additional 5 days in the hospital trying to stop his contractions. I fought hard for his little life. I tried to hold on to that precious life that God had graciously bestowed on us, but the contractions were too strong and finally we had to say goodbye. I can still remember his precious little body against mine. His tiny toes and hands and sweet face. He was fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are His works, and that my soul knows very well!

I shan’t be silent about this. Many people have told me over the years that I need to stop sharing my story, to stop celebrating my children’s birthdays in heaven, to stop thinking about them in heaven because of whatever reason? I can’t not share their little legacy’s. God uses experiences to bring us through hard times, and they are always for our good, even though at the time they don’t seem like it. But experiences no matter what they are, are always worth sharing. They are what help us and mold us into the passionate and compassionate people that we strive to be. God used those times to bring me all the way to Himself and gave me a greater sense of trust and fearlessness in and through Him. Any strength I had then, and any I have now, solely comes from God. I will fear no evil, for what can man, do to me? Because of them, God used my sweet babes to show me so much love and prayers from friends and family all over the globe. People were praying for us! Wow! So much love. People still, to this day, still pray for us. I can’t help but cry a bit, happy tears at all the beautiful comments people said during that time and continue to say even today. I’m glad I shared my stories and continue to share my stories. Because it’s all for the glory of Christ and what He did for me during those very hard times that make me who I am, today. God’s strength is a beautiful thing and I’m so thankful He gives it to me when I need it most.

So I say, never stop sharing your story. Every life is beautiful. Every experience, good or bad is for our good. Fear the Lord, not things and circumstances.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭9:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:26-30‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Sincerely,

Katie

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