Acquiescence. To Acquiesce. Isn’t that just a beautiful word? Oh how it beautifully depicts exactly what I’ve been feeling lately.
If you are not familiar with this word and it’s meaning, here it is according to Webster’s dictionary.
It is a verb meaning: to accept, comply, or submit tacitly or passively —often used with in or to. Other synonyms for this word: agree, come around, consent, or subscribe.
When the word was first described to me, it was described in a sermon by my Pastor at the time. He depicted a very detailed description of what this word looked like in action. Imagine it, a man holding a glass of tea, standing on the edge of the diving board leaning over and across a swimming pool with his back towards it. The man, looking very content sipping his glass of tea, leaning his head back as it were and completely, accepting, leaning back, which in turn causes him to fall into that swimming pool, the water completely laps around the man and engulfs him and his tea. He acquiesced, fully trusting in the fall and allowing the waters to engulf him without flinching or breaking that trust. He completely accepted and relied on the water to catch him.
The word to acquiesce has been on my heart and mind a lot lately. Like knowing if you walk towards the sun, you know the shadows will fall behind you. That is what I’ve been feeling for the past several weeks. That I’ve been walking toward the sun and my past is casting the shadow of my hopes and dreams and hardships, all of it is behind me.
When you finally let go and let God do His perfect work in you. When you let Him lead and guide and direct you. When you let go of all your hopes and dreams and give them over to God. It paints as beautiful a picture as the man who lets go of his worries and lets the water catch him. When he acquiesces and complies with the situation and let’s the matter fall where it will. After years of struggling and wrestling with God about children I’m finally giving it over to God. It’s been a long hard struggle but I know it’s the right thing to do. Whether the Lord delights to give us more children or not, I know now, it’s all in his hands. I acquiesce and give it solely over to Him. I have no control over this matter, and have given it completely over to God.
And what’s crazy about all of it. I’m content with that decision. I’m content knowing that this matter is no longer in my hands, it never was, or never should have been.
So many people would often ask, “Are you pregnant, yet?” As if it were up to me to make that happen? I no longer want that responsibility and frankly no longer “care”. I do care but I’m casting all my cares to Jesus so frankly that care no longer belongs to me. So I would appreciate it if people would stop asking. If it happens it will happen with or without people asking. Be content in my childlessness just as I am.
Oftentimes when people would ask me, it would make me feel pretty discontent, or that I failed in some way. I often feel like a failure as a mother and a wife. My body after all, was the cause of my children’s deaths. So please don’t ask me why I’m not pregnant yet, or if I am. It hurts every time someone does. When you ask, “are you pregnant, yet?” To a mother who has lost, it sounds like, “you failed, again?”
I would appreciate the encouragements and the sensitivities rather than the constant reminder of my weaknesses and failures. Just as mother of living children don’t like to repeat their often failures as a mother, but who also need encouragement from time to time. Instead of tearing each other down with our words let’s build each other up.
I’m thankful to slowly be learning to live out these words that God in His goodness has given to us to learn and to put into action. I hope whatever you are hanging onto with a firm grip, that you will one day let it go and let God hold onto it for you. Acquiesce, your hopes and dreams and give them solely over to your, Savior. ❤️
“casting all your anxieties (care) on him, because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:7 ESV