A friend of mine shared a post with me on Instagram recently of a brave young woman who lost her precious firstborn daughter, Florence. You can read all about her beautiful story here, #mamagrief.
She started a hashtag called #mamagrief a place where other grieving mothers who have lost children to death can go and share their stories and be encouraged by others.
I never knew losing a child could be so rewarding yet so hard. It’s a world I never knew existed. A world I never knew was here! After losing our first son, people I had known all my life told me of the losses I never knew they endured! When they told me, I thought, “If they’ve lost a child or two, how do they seem so happy? How can they seem so joyful? Some of the most joyful people in the world are people who have suffered so much heartache.
I read once “behind the happiest faces lay once the saddest of circumstances”. That has stuck to me like a bure. I want and long to be that kind of person. With God’s ever sustaining hand, He can help me be one of those many happy and loving people.
But a huge part of the world surprisingly enough, hurts and cries out in pain. Somedays, it’s too hard to trace the rainbow through the rain. Those days drag on like weights of heavy metal tying us down.
But there is hope! Yes, there is ALWAYS hope and like a superhero, our Father comes to the rescue with His chain breaker called, Grace! No more weight to tie us down. Believer, acquiesce all your saddness, all your pain, all you grief and lay it on his shoulders. Its ok to cry, its ok to be sad, its ok to grieve! But there is hope for everyone who hurts!
No. More children will never replace them, I could have a half dozen more children and I would still have these hard days. Cause they matter. They. Matter. To. Me. And to Him. Every life matters, no matter how long they have lived. They matter. And more children, though my mama heart longs to have more, as much as I will love and cherrish them if God should grant this petition. They will never, could ever, replace my boys but they will help fill the void with more loving and kissing. (:
People are forever telling me, “God, I believe will bless you with children.” I’m grateful for those nice thoughts and prayers but what they don’t seem to realize is, this is my mama grief, and according to God, it’s ok. What they don’t seem to see is, God has already blessed me with children. No, they aren’t here for me to enjoy and love on, but they are alive and they do matter. And if God chooses to bless us with more, then praise God! But this mamagrief will never go away. It’s ok.
I’m so thankful I’m not alone in my grief. God has put me on this path of #mamagrief, and it’s ok. I have accepted it and I’m thankful for it. You cannot know how much. But that doesn’t mean, I won’t have bad days, really, really hard ones. But it’s ok. Just like we all have super amazing days, some of us have a lot of crapy days. But it’s ok. I will be ok. God has not abandoned me and He wont. He is walking down this path with me. He is strengthening me and stretching me. My grief is laid bare on the table for all to see. I cannot hide or bottle my grief up inside just like you shouldn’t bottle your happiness up inside just because one of us is grieving and hurting.
Let it out! Your happiness and blessings are giving us who grieve, hope for the future! Will we run and cry at times if we see or hear to much? Yes! But don’t take it to heart. Don’t wish you had kept your mouth shut. Our hearts are tender. But please never act like our children never existed. Talk about them around us. Say their names. You have no idea how it feels to a mamagrief heart when we hear our babies names mentioned even in passing.
Thank you for reading my heart tonight, God bless you,